Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Reason #6: That Guy, take 1

We here at MannDubinBlog stand in support of alternative forms of transportation, but we have our limits. Hybrids? Love ‘em. Smart Cars? Like ‘em. Scooters? We’ll deal with ‘em. Mini-ATV’s on our sidewalks? No way, Jose.

This picture was taken on a street in the neighborhood where we grew up. It’s a nice, middle class neighborhood with pretty lawns, lots of trees, and sidewalk lined streets. That’s the thing: these sidewalks lining the streets are not meant to be cluttered with grown-ass men on ATVs. I mean, this can’t possibly be legal, first of all. Second, where is this guy coming from and where is he going that the charge on his power wheels is sufficient? And, couldn’t he have walked?

I’d have sympathy for this guy if he were 8 years old. Instead, I’m kind of perturbed because it’s more likely that this is his DUI-mobile until he gets his license back. Come on, guy, spend the $1.75 and take the bus. You’d look a lot cooler.

Because the people seem to think that this kind of thing is OK, I hate Atlanta

Monday, May 4, 2009

Reason #5: Kudzu

Iran getting the bomb. Terrorists stealing Pakistan's nuclear arsenal. Global warming. Barbara Walters. Are these threats to national security? Maybe. But the threat to Atlanta is one word with a z: Kudzu.

It takes over our yards, forests, and homes. It's been said to be able to help you quit smoking. Am I talking about Dos Equis' Most Interesting Man in the World? No. Again, I'm talking about Kudzu.

I'm sick of seeing Kudzu along every inch of our highways. We must do something! MannDubinBlog submits that this is an effort of the Japanese government to destroy our civilization. We won't stand for it. That's why we're writing this from a boat headed to Japan. What are we taking with us? Not guns or bombs, but cotton. Do you have any idea how bad that shit is for the soil? Just wait, Japan, we'll have our revenge yet.

In the meantime, what are we to do about this beast that grows up to 2 feet per day? Nothing. There's not a thing that we can do because Georgia is a perfect breeding ground for this animal. So, since there's no end in sight, I recommend making yourself a cup of Kudzu soup and figuring out how you'll keep the Kudzu away from your wife and children.

Because its second destruction won't come from fire as in the civil war, but from a simple leafy plant, I hate Atlanta.